A few years ago, I started a little tradition.
Every Christmas, I buy myself one gift. Not something practical. Not something our house desperately needs. Not another tool for renovation. Just something that makes me smile.
The first years were the hardest. I still remember how uncomfortable it felt to spend money on things that weren’t “necessary.” We were (and still are) renovating our old house, and every euro could become insulation, timber, paint, or plumbing parts. Buying something purely for myself felt… wrong.
But I kept doing it.
It’s funny how emotional this process still is.
I grew up in a family where money was always tight. Buying something just because you wanted it simply wasn’t something people did. You bought what you needed. Everything else felt like a luxury you couldn’t justify.
Even now, I have to remind myself that it’s okay.
I work hard. I earn my own money. Jānis has never questioned any of these purchases—in fact, he’s always the one encouraging me to enjoy what I’ve earned. We’ve always believed in sharing responsibilities. We divide and conquer. We both contribute to building our home, and we both deserve to enjoy the rewards of our work. Now it feels, I need to remind him that 🙂
Lately, I’ve also started buying dresses simply because I like them. That might sound ordinary to many people, but for me, it’s another little step towards believing that I don’t have to justify every purchase with practicality.
And last week…
I did something that made me laugh and gasp at the same time.
I bought two very expensive sets of pencils.
One set of coloured pencils. One set of watercolour pencils.
I honestly can’t believe I spent that much money… on pencils!
The funny thing is, I’m not an artist. I don’t even really have a drawing hobby.
I’ve just always dreamed of opening a drawer and finding a beautiful set of pencils waiting for me. The kind that invite you to doodle, colour, experiment, or simply enjoy putting colour on paper without worrying whether you’re “good enough.”
Now they’re mine.
I’m still surprised that I actually clicked the Buy button.
Even more amusing? I had only a few euros left in my account before payday on the 1st of August. 😂
But you know what? I’ll survive just fine. I’m not alone.
The garden is overflowing with lettuce, potatoes, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, beetroot, leeks and fresh dill. We certainly won’t go hungry.
Sometimes the best investment isn’t in another bag of cement or another box of screws.
Sometimes it’s in giving your younger self something she always wished she could have.
And this time…
It was a box of pencils. Two boxes.
Ilze
P.S. And it’s not Christmas yet, what is happening with me!? Oh, and you can be honest in comments. Please share your opinions.
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Darling girl . . . you could not have done anything more mentally healthy or happiness-creating or better for your soul . . . you have in your hand something you earned from your own hard work which quite understandably makes you happy – don’t even think about a ‘should not’ – WHY NOT! ENJOY even if you just use them once in a blue moon . . . and you don’t have to prove to anyone, including yourself that the moneys should have gone towards something more ‘practical’ . . . claps and love . . .
Thank you, Eha! I’m learning 🙂 and I have progress and comments like these helps to dissolve the sound in my head 🙂 Thank you 🙂
With me it’s notebooks, usually wildlife themed, many of which are far too nice ever to actually use.
Oh, the same with the notebooks!!!!! I can’t use the “too nice” ones either… 🙂
Very good!
Thank you so much, TaaltuinZuid! 😊 Sometimes a little “unnecessary” joy is actually very necessary. 🙂
i love this post Lize. Good for you rewarding yourself for jobs well done. I will be anxious to hear what you end up doing with the pencils. You might just find out you are an artist after all. Hugs
Mags, thank you so much! ❤️ I’m also very curious what will happen with these pencils. Maybe they will just sit beautifully in the drawer for a while… or maybe they will surprise me and wake up a creative side I haven’t used for years.
I actually bought them because I wanted to enjoy the process, not because I expect to create something amazing. But who knows… maybe there is a little artist hiding somewhere! 😊
ilze
Some good advice from Jordan Peterson: Treat yourself like somebody you care about (or even love!).
I was fan on Jordan Peterson… so I will listen 🙂
Budama viena pati un vienmer skaitot centus tomer Ziemassvetkos es noperku kaut do kas man like smaidit un ko varu izbaudit. Pareizi dari iegadajoties sev kaut ko.
Paldies, Sandra! Tu noteikti zini kāda ir / bija dzīve šeit Latvijā, ne visi var atļauties visu “ko sirds kāro”. Bet prieks, ka aizvien vairāk, kad “Varu atļauties” es tiešām to daru. Piemēram mana mamma naudu liktu labāk “zeķē”, kā pirktu kaut ko “tādu” 🙂
It’s lovely that you have enough for a treat, Ilze. It doesn’t come naturally to me to ‘splash the cash’, either. But just now and again, it’s good to feel that you can and not feel guilty xx
Thank you, Jo. ❤️ It really doesn’t come naturally to me either. I still have that little voice asking, “Do you really need this?” But I’m slowly learning to enjoy a little. I don’t know what future holds, better buy them while can 🙂
Agreed xx
These look beautiful, and even if you never use them, you will enjoy them every time you look at them. But maybe it is time to draw?
Thank you! 😊 I think you’re right… maybe it is time to draw. Not to become an artist, but simply because it makes me happy. These pencils are already encouraging me to slow down and play a little, and that’s probably enough. 🌸
OR I can colour something 🙂
I’m glad you bought the pencils, Ilze 🙂 Working just to pay bills is no way to live. You have to spoil yourself a little every now and then 🙂
Thank you so much! 😊 I think you’re right. There has to be a little room for joy, too. Otherwise life becomes one long list of bills and responsibilities. These pencils may have been expensive, but every time I open that drawer they make me smile, and that’s worth something.
I can totally relate, growing up under more simple circumstances and then becoming a “responsible” adult. It is wise to spend some money on things that makes you happy. I am a minimalist, and don’t crave many things, but nowadays I do not have a problem purchasing quality items that I need, compare to going for the least expensive options (as I always had to do previously.)
Thank you, Maria. ❤️ I can relate so much to what you wrote. I also find myself choosing quality now instead of always buying the cheapest option. It took me a long time to believe that I don’t always have to justify spending money on something I’ll truly enjoy. It’s still a work in progress, but I think I’m getting there. 😊
I, too grew up with no money for presents. In my adulthood I will always find it easier to buy for others; however I can now happily buy for myself – including boxes of similar pencils – including pastels
Thank you, Derrick. 😊 It sounds like we have very similar experiences. I also find it much easier to spend money on other people than on myself. Maybe that’s why buying these pencils felt like such a big step. I love that you have similar pencils—and pastels too! Perhaps we’re both giving our younger selves a few gifts they had to wait a long time for. 😊