A Road Less Traveled: Starting Over, One Step at a Time

Posted on by Ilze

Hello everyone,

It’s been a while since I last wrote here (2020 – almost four years). The truth is, life has been overwhelming—so much so that writing felt like an impossible task. But today, I’m sharing my story, hoping it might resonate with some of you or at least give me the strength to keep moving forward.

Me, at sunrise 4AM, in July 2024

The Dark Days

The past few years have been nothing short of a whirlwind. I’ve been battling depression and anxiety, trying to hold everything together while feeling like I was falling apart. Between managing a photo studio, a beeswax candle shop and a household, and the kids, it felt like I couldn’t get my shit together no matter how hard I tried. At one point I even didn’t want to try!

We had to move out of the house we called home—a place that held so many memories. All this blog has been created while lived there! At the same time, I returned to the IT field, trying to earn more to support us and find a rythm. It was a tough decision, but necessary. On top of that, we decided to take on the massive task of renovating an old house built in 1880. When I say it wasn’t livable, I mean it—the only things we could save were the roof, beams, and foundation. Every wall was crumbling, every room needed to be rebuilt from the ground up. We decide to remove everything, even floors to the groud… added fresh sand, and layed a new floors, etc.

The dandelion field next to our 1880 house.

But back to how it all went when we had to move out… We couldn’t find a place to stay, so we ended up living in a caravan for three months. Yes, a caravan. We showered outside in a tent—I had to heat the water in a pot over the gas stove before I could wash. Now I know that I can wash my hair and condition it with just two buckets of water. Those were my makeshift SPA days, accompanied by Miley Cyrus’ Endless Summer Vacation. The girls slept in a tent outside, while my husband and I worked (we’re both in IT and work from home) in a tent attached to the caravan. We spent the entire summer like this. It was cramped, uncomfortable, and definitely not what I had envisioned for my family, but we made it work.

Separate “room” 2023

That is, until the yellowjackets showed up! Every 10 minutes, the caravan was swarming with them, so I had to vacuum them up constantly. Every morning, we’d wake up because either the kids were crying from getting stung, or we got stung ourselves. That was the lowest point—I felt so overwhelmed that I wanted to hang myself…

Summer in Caravan 2023

The Struggles and the Weight

As if that wasn’t enough, I’ve also been struggling with my health. The stress, anxiety and anti-depresants have led to some serious weight gain (almost 50kg – almost 8 stones), and now I find myself in the pre-diabetes phase. It’s scary. I know I need to make changes—big changes—but I’m learning that trying to do everything at once only leads to burnout and back to the depression. I’ve been stuck in a cycle of wanting to fix everything overnight and failing, which only feeds my depression and sleep disorders.

But here’s the thing: I’m not giving up. I’m slow as a snail, but still keep moving…

A New Beginning

I feel like I’m at the beginning of a “new me”—not just a few steps in, but a few good miles down the road. It’s a journey, and I’m back to wanting to walk it, even if the road ahead is long and winding.

Sisters 2023

We’re renting a flat since last september (thanks to jellowjackets!) and put all the house plans on hold till this spring. Now the plan is to not have a plan at all. We try to move into unfinished house this autumn. To be precise – we try to finish the livingroom – to the drywall 🙂 – which is basicly – not finished at all, but livable. But if life has taught me anything, it’s that plans rarely go as expected. So, I’m trying to be flexible, to go with the flow, and to accept that some things are out of my control.

Oh, and in the midst of all this chaos, I’ve decided to renovate our old caravan! Why not, right? It’s something I’ve never done before, and while it doesn’t have a deadline, it’s turning into a fun project that I work on whenever I feel like it. It’s been a nice distraction and a reminder that even in the midst of all the struggles, there’s room for creativity and growth.

One Step at a Time

So, that’s where I am right now—trying to take things one step at a time, even when it feels like I should be sprinting. Life has been hard, but I’m learning to embrace the journey, no matter how messy it gets. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m moving forward, and that’s what matters.

Thank you for sticking with me, for reading this, and for being part of my journey. I hope to share more with you soon—hopefully with a bit more joy and a lot less struggle. But for now, I’m just taking it day by day, and that’s enough.

With love,

Ilze

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25 thoughts on “A Road Less Traveled: Starting Over, One Step at a Time”

    1. Thank you so much! Amazingly, you had a similar experience – I’m sure those memories are special. The yellow jackets were definitely a nightmare, but we got through it! And yes, my girls will have some interesting stories to tell from that summer. Thanks for sharing your

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  2. Really good to read your blog, hope things get easier for you. My Latvian relatives came over to the UK last year and stayed with me for a few days, it was so nice to see them again, I really missed them when they left. We keep in touch though and send photos, always think about them on summer solstice, Ligo.

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    1. Hi, it’s been a while! Thank you so much for your kind words! It sounds like you had a wonderful time reconnecting with your Latvian relatives. Ligo is such a special time to celebrate with loved ones, and it’s great that you stay in touch and share photos—it really helps bridge the distance. I hope you get to see them again soon!

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    1. Thank you so much! 😊 To be honest, running away to join the circus might have been easier at times! But I guess the universe decided that wrangling kids, renovating a house, and dodging yellowjackets was the more challenging—and rewarding—circus act for me. 🎪

      Your words mean a lot. That remind me I’m stronger than I think and that I can keep juggling all the craziness life throws at me. Thanks for sticking around! 🥰

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    1. Thank you so much, Peggy.

      Your words mean a lot. It hasn’t been easy, but hearing from supportive people like you makes the journey feel a little less lonely. I’m trying to take it one day at a time and keep moving forward, even when the path is rough. Your kindness reminds me that it’s okay to struggle, and it’s okay to celebrate making it through.

      ’m so glad you wrote in. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to find the recipe site you had. I’m curious—are you still posting recipes from a particular page? I’d love to know more!

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      1. You are never alone. You can always reach out to us. Sending mega hugs

        I still have two blogs but have been neglectful in recent times. I’m trying to kickstart myself too. The blogs are at leggypeggy.com and cookingopage32.wordpress.com

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          1. YES! cookingonpage32 – that’s the one. Thank you.

            All my cookbooks are packed away somewhere—just one more thing to deal with! I’m not even sure where all my stuff is at this point. Some of it’s at my in-laws’, some is scattered around my photo studio (which is currently a mess because my brother-in-law is renovating it for himself), and the rest is split between our flat and four other random places! 😅 But once I manage to find one, I’ll definitely send you page 32 to help kick-start your blog again. 😄

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  5. Oh, you’ve had such a tough time – I think I would have crumbled under all that. Your house is going to be beautiful though and those three little girls are going to fill it with love. We’ve (husband, four children and me) have self-built twice and even though we did hire help from pros, I remember the terrible strain of it all.

    Twice we’ve moved into those unfinished houses, the first, with winter coming along and no heating installed. Friends lent us portable heaters and somehow we got through it…then did it all again! You’ll look back on it and be able to say, ‘we did it, we’re here’. Wishing you all the best Ilze.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words! It’s really comforting to hear from someone who has been through a similar experience. I can only imagine how challenging it must have been to move into unfinished houses and manage without heating. It’s inspiring to know that you and your family pushed through and made it work.

      Your message gives me a lot of hope and strength as we continue with our project. I’m sure we’ll look back on this journey with the same sense of accomplishment that you do. Wishing you and your family all the best, and thank you again for sharing your story and support!

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    1. It’s great to hear from you! Yes, I took a break from blogging for quite a while—over four years, in fact. I’m thrilled to be back and reconnecting with familiar faces. Thanks for stopping by, and I’m looking forward to catching up with your blog as well!

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  8. I’m trying this for the third time. I see you have received my comment on the next post, but not his one. In welcoming you back have been saying that you have managed a very tough period amazingly, including caring very well for your children

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