A few years ago, I started a little tradition.
Every Christmas, I buy myself one gift. Not something practical. Not something our house desperately needs. Not another tool for renovation. Just something that makes me smile.
The first years were the hardest. I still remember how uncomfortable it felt to spend money on things that weren’t “necessary.” We were (and still are) renovating our old house, and every euro could become insulation, timber, paint, or plumbing parts. Buying something purely for myself felt… wrong.
But I kept doing it.
It’s funny how emotional this process still is.
I grew up in a family where money was always tight. Buying something just because you wanted it simply wasn’t something people did. You bought what you needed. Everything else felt like a luxury you couldn’t justify.
Even now, I have to remind myself that it’s okay.
I work hard. I earn my own money. Jānis has never questioned any of these purchases—in fact, he’s always the one encouraging me to enjoy what I’ve earned. We’ve always believed in sharing responsibilities. We divide and conquer. We both contribute to building our home, and we both deserve to enjoy the rewards of our work. Now it feels, I need to remind him that 🙂
Lately, I’ve also started buying dresses simply because I like them. That might sound ordinary to many people, but for me, it’s another little step towards believing that I don’t have to justify every purchase with practicality.
And last week…
I did something that made me laugh and gasp at the same time.
I bought two very expensive sets of pencils.
One set of coloured pencils. One set of watercolour pencils.
I honestly can’t believe I spent that much money… on pencils!
The funny thing is, I’m not an artist. I don’t even really have a drawing hobby.
I’ve just always dreamed of opening a drawer and finding a beautiful set of pencils waiting for me. The kind that invite you to doodle, colour, experiment, or simply enjoy putting colour on paper without worrying whether you’re “good enough.”
Now they’re mine.
I’m still surprised that I actually clicked the Buy button.
Even more amusing? I had only a few euros left in my account before payday on the 1st of August. 😂
But you know what? I’ll survive just fine. I’m not alone.
The garden is overflowing with lettuce, potatoes, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, beetroot, leeks and fresh dill. We certainly won’t go hungry.
Sometimes the best investment isn’t in another bag of cement or another box of screws.
Sometimes it’s in giving your younger self something she always wished she could have.
And this time…
It was a box of pencils. Two boxes.
Ilze
P.S. And it’s not Christmas yet, what is happening with me!? Oh, and you can be honest in comments. Please share your opinions.
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Darling girl . . . you could not have done anything more mentally healthy or happiness-creating or better for your soul . . . you have in your hand something you earned from your own hard work which quite understandably makes you happy – don’t even think about a ‘should not’ – WHY NOT! ENJOY even if you just use them once in a blue moon . . . and you don’t have to prove to anyone, including yourself that the moneys should have gone towards something more ‘practical’ . . . claps and love . . .
Thank you, Eha! I’m learning 🙂 and I have progress and comments like these helps to dissolve the sound in my head 🙂 Thank you 🙂
With me it’s notebooks, usually wildlife themed, many of which are far too nice ever to actually use.
Very good!
i love this post Lize. Good for you rewarding yourself for jobs well done. I will be anxious to hear what you end up doing with the pencils. You might just find out you are an artist after all. Hugs