The internet is full of advice about self-confidence.
Stand tall.
Think positive thoughts.
Look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re amazing.
I don’t know about you, but if I stood in front of the mirror every morning declaring myself amazing, my family would probably schedule an intervention.
So I started wondering what self-confidence actually is.
At first, I thought confident people were born that way. They walk into a room knowing exactly what they’re doing. Then I watched enough adults to realize most of us are making it up as we go along.
The confident-looking person at work? Probably worried they forgot something important.
The parent who seems to have everything under control? Probably hiding in the pantry eating chocolate.
The DIY expert on YouTube? Definitely edited out the part where they glued something upside down.
The more I pay attention, the more I suspect that confidence isn’t knowing you’ll succeed.
It’s knowing you’ll survive if you don’t.
Maybe confidence is just a collection of small victories.
You plant a flower and it survives.
You fix something and it doesn’t immediately fall apart.
You make a phone call you’ve been avoiding.
You try something new and discover the world doesn’t end.
Eventually your brain starts keeping score.
“Remember that thing you thought you couldn’t do?”
“Yes.”
“You did it.”
“Oh.”
That’s not a dramatic movie moment. That’s confidence quietly moving in.
So if you’re waiting to feel confident before starting something, you might be waiting a very long time.
Start first.
Confidence can catch up later.
It usually does.
Ilze
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Ilze, I couldn’t have said it better.
Sorry! Forgot to mention my name: Peter Grey
Thank you, Peter Grey! I was thinking about this lately. So, I couldn’t resist answering this prompt!
Love this. While my 2 grandchildren, aged 6 and 4 were swinging today, they were shouting, “I AM Brave! I AM Strong! I Can Do This!” I don’t know where they picked that up from, but I recorded it and will listen to it every morning when I wake up as my daily mantra. Out of the mouths of babes!
Let them stay this way! Good mantra! I would say – perfect!
Very well said. I like the way you describe building up self-confidence. “I don’t know about you, but if I stood in front of the mirror every morning declaring myself amazing, my family would probably schedule an intervention”. You gave me a laugh with that statement.
Thank you! 😊 I’m glad that line made you laugh. I can just imagine my family wondering what on earth I’m doing in front of the mirror every morning! 😄 And honestly, as a Latvian, standing in front of a mirror and loudly declaring how amazing I am feels very unnatural. We tend to be a bit more reserved than that. I think confidence is built quietly, one small step at a time. 😊
Self confidence very often comes from having a friend who tells you what you are capable. Thanks for your post is was very appropriate at this time.
Thank you. 😊 I think you’re right. Sometimes we see our own limitations much more clearly than our strengths, and a good friend can remind us of what we’re capable of when we’ve forgotten. A few encouraging words from someone who believes in us can make a bigger difference than a hundred affirmations in front of a mirror. I’m glad the post came along at the right time for you. 💛
I read this and realize I must be a very peculiar person and a rather selfish one at that – honestly and truly, I have been so busy all my life with not getting half the things I want to do done . . . I have never ever for one nano-second thought about ‘self-confidence’ – I just fit as much as I possibly can rather breathlessly into my life . . . uh? Must be reasonably sure of what I am doing but who on earth has time to philosophize . . . 🙂 ?!
😄 I suspect that might actually be a sign of self-confidence! If you’ve spent your life busy doing things rather than wondering whether you’re capable of doing them, perhaps you’ve had enough confidence all along and simply never needed to analyze it. Some of us spend time philosophizing because we’re trying to convince ourselves to start. Others are already halfway through the project before the rest of us have finished thinking about it! 😊
Actually I have more than once wondered whether my ‘speeding on in life’ has been a sign of NOT thinking and of being selfish to boot? Of being in some way ‘superficial’ and a degree ‘shallow’ – well, I AM sitting back and thinking 🙂 ! I was an only and very wanted and beloved daughter of a father who very much wanted children and spent an inordinate amount of time being with me and teaching me . . . lucky!!!
Eha, I don’t think that sounds selfish or shallow at all. 😊 It sounds more like you were fortunate enough to grow up with a strong foundation and someone who believed in you from the very beginning. Having a father who spent so much time teaching, encouraging, and being present must have given you a quiet sense that the world was something to engage with rather than fear.
Perhaps that’s why you’ve spent your life busy doing rather than wondering whether you could. Not everyone receives that kind of start. I suspect many of us who overthink confidence are trying to build later what you were given naturally as a child.
And honestly, sitting back and reflecting on it now doesn’t make you superficial—it makes you thoughtful. 😊 What a lovely gift your father gave you. 💛 💛 💛
Do you have kids?
Two daughters, four very, very successful grandchildren working mostly in England and Canada and, methinks quite a few great-grandchildrdren . . . but the family sadly broke up after the divorce decades ago . . . it’s my birthday today, so am trying to think of the good and not the past and sad 🙂 !
Happy birthday to you, again 🙂
That sounds like a full and very far-reaching family story, even if it’s had its painful chapters. It’s understandable that memories after a divorce can feel complicated, especially on a day like today when everything becomes a bit more reflective.
Still, there’s something quite powerful in what you wrote — choosing to focus on the good today, even if the past still sits somewhere in the background. That takes quiet strength.
Someone else’s success doesn’t reduce your potential. Focus on your own progress.
I agree. It’s easy to forget that life isn’t a competition. Someone else’s success doesn’t take anything away from us. There is room for all of us to grow, learn, and achieve our own goals. I find it much healthier to compare myself with who I was yesterday rather than with someone else. 😊
That right 👍
The DIY part is so true. Many edits for it.🤭 There’s always hidden agenda in life.
THank you, Hazel!
My pleasure, Ilze
Very well explained. It is so good to see kids expressing themselves with full confidence. Being the owner of kindergarten school, when I see my students asking, saying and even explaining their needs and demands, makes me feel so happy that they know how to express themselves.
Wow ✨ Great post 👏
Thank you